Sicker than Your Mom

I'm sick: sick of getting sick.  Saturday I came down with the same thing that I've gotten twice already since the beginning of the year.  ...and now I sound like my mom.  I love you mom.  Anyways, if you get the reoccurring Charles Virus, here are the symptoms, ordered from most uncomfortable to most bearable:

#1 - Aching Bones
-It's mainly the back, neck, and the back of the skull that hurt, but it can travel down to the lower body as well.

#2 - Headache and Lightheadedness
-This is mainly related to the aching at the back of the skull and neck, but the rest of your head can hurt too and you get sort of dizzy.

#3 - Drowsiness
-Get some sleep or you might will turn into a zombie.  Once you get enough sleep, you are fine.

#4 - Fake Fever
-You will feel warm like you're radiating heat.  You will sweat (especially if cuddling closely with someone), but you will not have a temperature and might not even feel warm to the touch.

#5 - Dehydration
-It doesn't matter how much water you drink.  For some reason you are always thirsty, and your pee is dark like apple juice.  Yum.

#6 - Stomach
-The first time I felt nauseated, and I didn't eat anything for like 3 days.  Then, my stomach had this weird feeling like there was a lump at the base of the esophagus that I only felt while breathing or eating.  The second and this last time, I didn't feel nauseated, but still felt this weird lump.

The best remedy I've found: Go search in Mary's medicine cabinet and commandeer the acetaminophen, take two, and wait 30 minutes.  Sleep if you feel tired.  The aching bones subside (and as a consequence your head feels a lot better too).  You are left feeling slightly warm but you feel loads greater than before.  Things are looking up.  Just keep drinking water and you'll be fine.

In other news, I find both squirrels and deer to be acceptable game.

My Deer/Squirrel Haiku:

Deer graze squirrels climb
God's garden hosts all beauty
Pearls before swine

There are some things that make you feel worse than being sick.  Like when people think little of what should be respected and valued.  This video makes me feel better.

Blogger Mondays, Ice Cream Sundaes, and Hey Dude - Back Off the Lay's®

So it's Monday once again.  In Japan they use Yen.  Bears often congregate in a den, but I don't know when.  If you do, tell me then.  After that, I'll know who's my real friend.  I know a girl at school named Jen.  I have an Aunt who had a hen.  If someone needed to borrow money, and he was my friend, to him I would gladly lend.  Don't forget, when exchanging texts, to press send.

I saw this posted yesterday.  I thought it was the best thing ever.

I apologize for the rhyming.  Anyways, as I was saying about Monday... 

My first few blogs always came out on Saturdays.  Now, they usually don't make it out until Monday.  Weekends are just packed.  Between Church, work, homework, and activities and other stuff I get to occupy my weekends with, I don't really have time, energy, or motivation to write stuff.  Writing all this inspiration isn't easy, you know?

So Friday and Saturday I attended a conference in San Jose.  It was the Phi Theta Kappa International Conference.  Talk about a waste of time, money, and energy used for the exorbitant amount of clapping you have to do packed into a convention center filled with crazy people.  Seriously though, everyone was like on crack.

I was able to catch some of a much better conference, however, when I returned Saturday afternoon.  I went to the Priesthood Session Saturday evening, then watched both Sunday Sessions.  I took some notes, mostly at the Priesthood Session though.  I had a 7 year old on my lap in the morning on Sunday and in the afternoon I think I was just too tired to write much.  Conference is tiring, as my less active math teacher told me at the conference in San Jose.  I can't wait to get the Ensign with the talks.  I'm so much more a visual person.  Inspirational quotes I hear over the broadcast are great, but they only stick for about 4 seconds and sometimes I can't even get it down on paper before it's gone.  Why is my memory so bad sometimes?

Exhaling: Me and My Little Friend, CF

Until recently, I didn't know what cuticles were.  The word sounds an awful lot like cubicle.  Are they cute cubicles?  It turns out that they're not cute cubicles.  I can always blame my parents for any lack of common knowledge I seem to posses.  Why Mom and Dad?  Why did you not teach me to push back my cuticles?

So today I thought it would be appropriate to talk about CF, since I just had my last clinic visit on Thursday.  Mostly I just have family reading this blog, but some others reading this may not know that I have cystic fibrosis.  I was diagnosed last year.  If you don't know what CF is, don't google it.  Instead, visit cff.org.  I would post the link to my CysticLife profile, but I don't think you can view it unless you're part of the website community.

So every three months I go to the CF center that Kaiser has in Oakland.  They have clinics where they check up on all the CF patients they have.  Most people my age were diagnosed as small children.  Nowadays there is infant screening for it.  I wasn't diagnosed until about May or June of last year.  Having such a late diagnosis is really great because a late diagnosis is indicative of a healthy life.  Some older men don't know that they have CF until they're trying to have kids.  The only reason I found out that I had CF was because I went in for a carrier screen after I found out that I had four possible CF mutations floating around in my family.

So Thursday was like my 4th or so visit to the clinic.  Each visit is either good or bad.  My first was awesome.  I went in and had really great numbers for my PFT (Pulmonary Function Test).  I didn't really know what to expect going in, but it was more like a little chat with the doctor rather than some intense discussion of treatment options.  I mean, apart from the genetics report and my sweat chloride test, I was perfectly healthy and there wasn't anything really to treat.  I walked out of my first clinic feeling like I didn't even have CF.

Last Thanksgiving I ran a 5k as part of Outrun CF

Since then, things have been up and down.  It's a complicated relationship.  If my CF doctor is slow to react to something like a weird test result or a weird symptom, part of me feels like I need to be heard and I need to be taken care of properly.  Another part of me is relieved when that happens.  I mean, if they don't think something is a big deal, then I shouldn't worry about it either, right?  Now I feel like I'm always trying to balance how I feel about my condition.  On one side, I'm a mostly healthy young adult.  I don't have to take half the medications that most CF patients do, I don't have a vest, and my PFT scores are great.  On the other side, I have CF, I feel different than other people, my disease is progressive, I might not be able to have children without doing something crazy like in vitro fertilization, CFTR related diabetes is possible, I'm always coughing and clearing my throat after coming back from a run, I'm 22 and may have osteoporosis.  Blah Blah Blah, it goes on.  It doesn't bite at me everyday like it used to, but many times it's a deliberate choice to be calm about it.  Other times I just feel like I need to stop pitying myself, suck it up, and move on.

My visit on Thursday was not one of the good visits.  It started out well.  I was worried about my PFT score going in because I haven't had time to run since mid January with how busy the semester has been.  When the computer said that I was 7% up from my last test, which was great because my numbers had been steadily declining since my first PFT in June, my worry was alleviated.  My victory was short lived, however, when my doctor came in and told me that the machine was likely wrong.  It makes sense.  Could I really believe that not running, which was my form of "respiratory therapy," would be helping me? 

During the visit, they were talking to me more about future treatments, about medications that I would eventually take and how they would get me a vest once I got better insurance.  The dietitian, who I met for the first time, wanted me to test my blood sugar two hours after every big meal and a few times after waking up to see if my abnormally high 2 hour glucose test they did months ago could be verified or if it was a lab error.  She said that, because I was pancreatic sufficient, high blood sugar would be from insulin resistance (type 2 diabetes, not CFTR related).  I have a family history of diabetes, and although I'm not overweight, it could happen.  I really don't want to end up diabetic like my dad.  Every time I stick myself I remember how my dad always used to do it.  It's a reminder of how fragile health can be and of how he died.

After the visit I wasn't done.  I met with another nurse who was helping out with some research that Kaiser is doing.  They basically just wanted some of my blood for research and as part of a project that the CDC is doing to make sure that CF centers' infant screenings are working accurately.  I was picked because I have at least one mutation that's relatively rare (lucky me?).  As with all research, there was a lot of paperwork I had to do, consents and all of that.  I'm sure 10% of it was necessary.  Why wouldn't someone participate?  I felt that it was the least that I could do.  The medical professionals and those at the CDC are the ones who are doing all the work.  If I can sacrifice 5 minutes of my time to help other CF centers diagnose and treat others, I'd definitely do it.  Plus, some of my cells are being immortalized, which sounds pretty awesome.

After that, I still wasn't done.  I had another appointment to look into my fertility.  I knew that more than 95% of men with CF were infertile.  That's not to be confused with sterile.  With cystic fibrosis,  the vas deferens is either not correctly developed or is absent.  This means that it's still possible to have children, but it would involve going to a fertility clinic of some sort to do in vitro fertilization.  The idea of having to do that didn't bother me much.  Yeah, it's not as easy as the traditional way, but one positive is that children are a lot easier to plan.  No "accidents," and yes I can call them that because I was one, or so my mom says.

Well it turns out that there's nothing wrong with my vas deferens.  In fact, I don't appear to have any vas deferens at all.  I'm so glad that this information about my man parts is on the Internet.  Anyways, though I knew the odds going in, I'm still surprised at how much the confirmation affected me.  I know that I can still have kids, and they will be mine, perhaps with my eyes, face, hairy chest, or other physical features (not just my mutations).  Still, the news really hit me.  I think I didn't realize before how much I want to be a father.

Thursday was just a reminder how much CF sucks.  I feel horrible when I complain about it because there's so many that have it worse than me, but I hate it.  I don't want to have to take medications or enzymes.  I don't want to have to use a vest or do weird treatments.  I don't want to have to take my inhaler before going out for a run.  I don't want diabetes.  I don't want to have to prick myself everyday and inject myself with insulin as if I was a lab in chemistry.  I don't want to have to take my wife to a fertility clinic before we can start a family.  I don't want any of it.  I still try to see the positive, and remember that God didn't promise anyone an easy life.  I did learn a lot last year after going through the diagnosis.  I guess I just have more to learn from it.

For now, all I can do is exhale.  Knowing that Heavenly Father loves me, knows me, and is guiding me helps.  Prayer is great.  Having the love and support of awesome friends, great family, and the best girlfriend make me happy and tip the balance; the good in my life far outweighs the bad.

She said yes! Officialy Engaged

I have a sleeping problem.  Perhaps a better way to put it would be that I have a problem with sleep.  Why sleep?  Why you gotta come up all in my biz and get in my face like dat?  I already dedicate hours a day to my three jobs, homework, church responsibilities, a goat, and stalking people over the Internet.  You want 8?  To add emphasis, you want EIGHT?!  And if I don't deliver, you attack me and knock me unconscious right in the middle of lecture.  Root.  I still can't believe it... 8 hours?  Don't be ridiculous.  Ain't no body got time for that. 

It was a busy but nonetheless awesome weekend.  I guess that makes sense because I wouldn't waste my time with something that wasn't awesome anyways.  Well, with the exception of Sport Chalet that is.

A friend of mine, Andy, went through the Temple for the first time on Friday.  Andy is going to be serving a service mission starting tomorrow.  On Friday, I was his escort.  Though I know that the experience was super awesome for Andy, it was also really good for me.  It's been four years since I went through for myself and going through with Andy caused me to "relive" that in a way.  As we went through, I just thought of what things would be like from his perspective, what questions he would have, and things that would stick out to him.  I've been through countless times since I first went and some things just don't stand out anymore after all the repetition.  It was super grape.

If that wasn't cool enough, I also was privileged to hear Elder Holland speak.  He was in the area for an 11-Stake leadership training meeting and used the chance to also attend the Stake Conference for the Pleasanton Stake.  Though everyone who showed up, either from the Pleasanton Stake or from another Stake nearby, to hear Elder Holland's words, the rest was really good too.  That's the second time I had heard Elder Holland speak in person.  The first time was in the MTC.

Going back to Saturday, I had sushi for the first time.  It was good, except for the spicy stuff.  Thanks Dave.  We had to wait for an hour before sitting down (racism), but it was alright.  It's a good thing I don't keep sushi in my fridge, because I'd eat it.  A lot.  If I wasn't losing weight I would have to start watching my diet.  I haven't had much time for running or going to the gym since the semester started.  I'm turning into a chubby nerd.  Merilee hates it.

Oh by the way, Hayley, Merilee's roommate, was proposed to by her boyfriend Ben.  She said yes and they're officially engaged!  I guess Merilee will be looking for a new roommate in the coming months.

Pop Tarts and Entropy

As my dear friend Stacy knows, S'mores happens to be one of my favorite ice cream flavors.  It's only in stores for a couple months out of the year, unfortunately.  S'mores also happens to be my favorite Pop Tart flavor.  I don't usually eat Pop Tarts, or at least I didn't.  About two weeks ago I bought some because it was late at night and I had the munchies when I was at the store.  They have proven to be a tempting late night snack.  I'm actually quite embarrassed about it because I usually eat really really healthily, especially for being a single college guy.

So Friday was date night.  It was great.  It was Ward Temple Night so I met Merilee there.  I borrowed my brother's epic picnic basket (it truly is epic), and brought stuff for sandwiches that we ate before the session.

I got to the Temple early and called Tim, my close friend that I grew up with.  We caught up a little before we had to hang up.  Tim has been living in Ohio for almost two years.  His mom was like a second mother to me and passed the Thursday before Dad.  I've been worried about him and we haven't kept in touch much since I was at her funeral.  I was very relieved and happy to hear all the good news he had.  He's been facing lots of challenges and it made me so incredibly happy to hear that he was working things out.  I'm so proud of him.  Between Tim's news, a fun date, and being at the Temple, Friday was just a great day.  The Spirit was felt, and I had personal prayers answered.

So at work yesterday, I came up with a new name for my department.  Instead of being called Footwear, it should be renamed Entropy, because I feel like everything is steadily descending into chaos, especially now as we are preparing for inventory.  The book that I'm reading, The Infinite Atonement, by Tad Callister, mentions the law of entropy.  My Chemistry teacher explained it by saying that things in nature will always decay from an organized state into a less organized state.  Callister says that the law "suggests that the universe, left to itself, would constantly move toward a state of disorder."  He uses entropy to highlight the infinite power of the Atonement.  It's God's influence and power that reverse the effects of entropy, or chaos, death, disorder, and destruction that plague mortality.  You can look at it sort of like God being the mechanic that maintains a car that would otherwise eventually breakdown without intervention.

Pondering that lately has shown me that it's completely true.  God is who sustains us amid all the entropy in our lives.  Just as the power of the resurrection restores order to those bodies that have been afflicted by disease or death, God's influence and our Savior's Atonement restore order to our lives.  There are times when it feels like disorder and chaos can rule your life.  Work, school, family, health, faith, friends - all can feel like they are decaying and falling apart.  One of my favorite quotes from Preach My Gospel is in lesson 2 when it says

"As we rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ, He can help us endure our trials, sicknesses, and pain. We can be filled with joy, peace, and consolation. All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ" (emphasis added)

So life's pretty much looking up.  My friend is facing his challenges and making important decisions.  School really couldn't be going better.  I'm in a relationship that makes me very incredibly happy.  And I feel like God is answering my prayers.  At this moment in time, everything important to me seems to be falling into order, and it's not anything that I'm doing.

Orange Juice and Goat Milking Geniuses

At this moment there is a playlist on my blog that has a song by Otis Redding that is titled something like "Sittin' On the Dock of the Bay."  I enjoy this song.  I enjoy even more Sara bareilles' version while having rainymood.com on another tab.  That's just how I roll.

Tonight there is a Ward barbecue.  I'm pretty pumped for it since I can't remember when was the last time I went to a barbecue.  The occasion is to celebrate the marriage of a couple in the Ward.  They're having a bridal shower before the guys come over for the food.  It's great to see people take that important step, especially in a Singles Ward.  I don't know the couple extremely well, but I'm nonetheless happy for them.

I got some orange juice on Thursday.  It was sweet.

Mary, the mother of the family that I rent my room from, has resumed asking me when I'm going to get married.  Before Merilee and I broke up, Mary and I used to joke about me and Merilee starting our family out of the 100 square feet that I currently rent.  This week, Merilee and I decided to try dating again and Mary has naturally resumed the talk of marriage.  Mary and her husband, Dave, were talking about getting hitched on their second date.  I don't know what it must be like to have that happen.  Scary?  That's probably what I would have thought of the situation had it happened to me.  I've heard even more seemingly insane stories and they make me wonder why things can be so different with different couples.  Some just know right off, others take obnoxious amounts of time, and then there's plenty in between.  I don't think it really matters which kind of couple you end up being; what's more important is being happy while you are together.

This was a good week for school.  At least I think.  I aced my calculus exam from last week.  I was worried because I had left the exam feeling good but all my classmates were discussing how hard it was.  When people were getting their scores, most were content with a "C" or ecstatic with a "B".  I worried because my goal is always to have 4.0 status each semester, and doing poorly on this exam would have pretty much killed that chance for this semester.  I got it back on Monday and I did really well, so I'm happy about that.  I also had a physics exam on Tuesday.  I wasn't worried about it.  I was so not worried in fact, that I went for style points and forwent writing up a page of notes with all the formulas for reference on the exam.  I should get it back on Monday.

Merilee says I'm really smart.  I feel bad for being labeled as "smart" sometimes.  I think that being smart shouldn't just be being able to do things that others think they can't do.  There's a lot of things that others excel at that I don't think I could ever excel at.  These things include things like doily making, goat milking, advice giving, singing, writing in cursive, tickling, and whispering.  I don't think that I should be labeled as a genius because I know how to take symbols on a piece of paper and rearrange them into other symbols.  Anyways, I don't know where I was going with this.

Hobos, Dates, Fathers, and Epiphanies

Fancy Free T Shirt

I got a free T-shirt at work yesterday.  It made me think about why free T-shirts are so awesome.  It's as if the donation of the shirt made it infinitely more valuable than any other article of clothing in your closet,  with perhaps the exception of another even more valuable free T-shirt or your cozy socks.  Aren't things given supposed to be of less value than those you earn?  Nevertheless, whenever someone walks by giving out free T-shirts, you know I'm all over that like a hobo on a ham sandwich.

I guess I should mention what's going on in church.  Tomorrow I actually have the lesson in Elder's Quorum.  Last week I was in Ward Council and Merilee, a woman I was dating until about a month ago, announced that the sisters had conjured up a dating contest that would be starting that day.  It was called the Tri-Valley 2 Week Triple P Blitzkrieg.  She even wrote about it in her blog here.

Basically girls are trying to see who can get the most dates by either asking guys out or by being asked out since the Elders Quorum has been encouraged to have the same contest.  Anyways, I was a little disappointed when I heard about it.  Disappointed because I had already chosen dating as my lesson topic, and my lesson wasn't until the next week.  My Elder's Quorum President asked me what my lesson was going to be on a few weeks ago.  I told him that it would be better as a surprise.  He said, "oh are you going to be calling the brethren to repentance about their home teaching?"  I told him no, while thinking to myself, "it's even worse."  I had known that many girls were frustrated at the lack of dating going on in the Ward due to the men not asking anyone out, so I was pumped for the opportunity to address the issue.  Surprisingly, my feelings have changed this week.  I actually think that the timing was perfect and has allowed me to think of some new ideas for the lesson.

It's interesting how you think about some people more once they're gone.  One person I've been thinking a lot about is Dad.  Tomorrow will be two months.  At institute on Tuesday we were studying Romans and my corner of the room was assigned to read 8:14-18.  I'm kind of a loner and was sitting in the back row so I just read it myself while the other two or three read over it together.  I had had a train of thought going through my mind the past week, especially since Merilee posted a video on facebook.  It was a Mormon Message titled Earthly Father, Heavenly Father.  I had thought many times, while watching my brother Paul's kids, about the similarities between earthly parenthood and Godhood, and I really enjoyed the message.  The part that "hit" me was a quote at the end from the Quorum of the Twelve that said "Of all the titles of respect and honor and admiration that are given to Deity, he has asked us to address him as Father."  It made me reflect on my attitude towards God, especially while praying.

I've been praying for a lot of things lately.  Thinking of God as my Father actually really helps me to have hope.  That's what I felt in the five verses we read.  I felt like sharing my thoughts when it was my corner's turn to share what we read, but I didn't.  I just let the other guys talk.  I'm really not used to sharing personal stuff in front of people and I also didn't want Merilee to think that I stalk her page everyday.  But it was great thinking, or realizing rather, that my Dad, if he were here, would really be willing to give me anything as long as it was for my good.  He would do it because he loves me and wants me to be happy.  Even imperfect fathers know how to give good gifts to their children (Matthew 7:9-11), and I feel blessed to know that God is my Heavenly Father.  I know it's something so simple and that it's so fundamental that it's the very first topic taught to investigators but it just was great to think about this week.  I don't know why it takes a video on facebook or lessons at insitute for me to have these little epiphanies, but I'm grateful for them.  I feel like I've had a lot of these kinds of experiences recently.